As The Rain
by cobra
Summary: After season seven. Xander deals with Anya's death


Title: As the rain pours from my eyes.

Author: Cobra.

Rating: R

Dislaimer: I only own the lyrics of the song. everything else, isn't mine.

Summary: Set after season seven. Xander thinks of the past, of his love.

a/n: Xander never lost his eye for the purpose of this story.

Xander sat the nearly empty bottle of Seagram Seven whiskey on the table as closed his eyes and sat back on his couch. He looked toward his left and saw his old beat up guitar, he had just recently pulled it out of the rubble that was Sunnydale. The guitar, which was once a beautiful Gibson was now scratched and beaten, but still carried a tune. he hadn't played the insturment in years, and at times he wondered why he drug it from the rubble that was once his apartment complex. But he knew why, he could remember all the times he had played and sang as Anya smiled at him. Danced to his tune, cried to his lyrics. The young man closed his eyes as tears threatened to fall yet again. He pulled the guitar to him by the neck and pulled the pick from the strings. A tear escaped his eyes as he ran the pick over the strings. The sound was right. He slowly began to pick the strings, a sad and lonely tune flowing from the intrument. His voice was not the greatest, but the emotion that came with the words made it all the much better.

As the rain pours from my eyes.

and the lightining strikes.

i hear the thunder roar

from somewhere deep inside.

His anger ate away at him. Why her? Why? The questions ran through his head like an arrow piercing the air. His soul sought revenge, blame. But none could be found anylonger. He was a man without a purpose, without a mission, without a love.

wondering what happened,

to take you away,

hating the vision of your pale dead face.

He had never seen Anya's body, but there wasn't a time he closed his eyes that he didn't imagine her lying dead in the halls of Sunnydale High School. The earth trembling around her as the ground began to collapse, the thought of her body buried deep under the ground with the bodies of all those demons, it infuriated them, in all the years the group had fought the darkness, Anya, she was the only one left behind.

I dream of the days we lived our life.

fantazies in the middle of lonely nights.

not living to live,

only to die,

as the rain pours from my eyes.

Tears were falling from his closed eyes, sliding down his cheek and falling on the body of the battered guitar. His voice cracked with emotion and for a moment he stopped strumming the guitar strings. Then after a deep breath he moved his hands again, the tune immediatly filling the room.

and I can't help but wonder

where we could be.

if god hadn't taken you from me.

Xander didn't usually hold a grudge, but all the years on the Hellmouth had made him angry, it seemed to him that if god could just sit back and watch as good people died in a fight that was his, that he wasn't much of a holy father.

As the rain pours from my eyes.

and lighting strikes again.

i hear the thunder roar

from somewhere deep within.

the anger and the pain.

of a loss so great,

I just sit here in the dark and think.

as the rain pours from my eyes.

The cycle is never ending.

as the storm clouds loom ahead.

death would be a blessing.

Xander's hands abruptly stopped as he cried, his voice continueing on without the music.

I close my eyes again.

to think about the past.

as the rain pours from my eyes.

Xander's head hung low as he sobbed almost silently. A low clapping was heard in the room and he jumped from the couch quickly and surveyed the room, the guitar held like a weapon.

"That was beautiful." A voice he hadn't heard in months said as she appeared in a bathe of white light.

"A...An?" Xander asked choking on the word as a lump formed in his throat.

"It's me Xander." Anya said with a smile, the light around her and her hair moving slowly as if it was being wind blown.

"How? You're... you're..."

"Dead. I know" Anya said as she stepped forward and put a hand on Xander's cheek. A warm feeling reached the young mans very soul as the guitar fell from his hands onto the sofa almost soundlessly.

"It's not possible, it must be a trick, your the first aren't you." Xander said as he made himself take a step away from the warm hand.

"No Xander, the first is... well, injured. She won't bother anyone for a long time."

"Then... what are you? Who are you?"

"I'm a soul Xander. Anya's soul." Anya said with a smile as she stepped toward her love. Xander gulped down and fought to keep from breaking down completly.

"Why are you here?" Xander asked as he took a step forward and touched her face, a lazy and loving stroke that both had missed.

"I've been watching you Xander, and I hate to see you like this. You're such a great person, a great man, you taught me everything about being human, about loving. Don't treat yourself like this because of what happened to me, I died, but you don't have to. I don't want you to. Live Xander, live strong, and love again, because you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy."

"I can't be happy Ahn. Not without you. I need you."

"And I'm with you. Always. I have to go now."

"No!", Xander yelled in desperation as he grabbed her hand., "Don't leave me again. Please."

"I have to go Xander. But please, don't think of this as goodbye. Like I said, I'm always with you." She said with a sad smile as she raised her head and touched his lips with hers. She slowly pulled from Xander's hand and walked toward the light she had come from., "Thank you Xander."

"For what?" Xander asked as tears streamed down his cheeks from his red eyes.

"For loving me." Anya answered as she walked through the portal and the light left the room. Xander once again stood alone.

and I carry on without you.

as the rain pours from my eyes.

END.

A/N: I'm still working on JOH: Journeys' end. and as I've said before, I've decided to continue the series with the JOH headline. I have three more stories planned out to flesh out the plot threads I've already woven. Read and review people.

Later

Cobra.


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